**SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY**
Everybody loves a happy ending. The good guy beats the bad guy. The hero gets the girl. The sidekick gets a spinoff. The lioness is reunited with her cub, and all is right in the jungle. Yes, everyone loves a happy ending. . . sometimes. Sometimes, you just know the story is not gonna end well. Sometimes there’s just no way our heroes can walk away from the storm surrounding them. Sometimes the ‘good guy’ just has it coming. Regardless, a dark ending can sometimes be a real breath of fresh air when it makes sense, and add to the authenticity of the story it’s telling. So, for the cynic in all of us, here’s This Guy’s 8 Great Movies where EVERYBODY Dies!
1. The Hateful Eight (2015)
When Tarantino won another Oscar for Django Unchained, a reporter afterwards asked him if he was aware that there were other parts to the human body than just skin and blood. QT didn’t seem to understand the question, but I thought it was funny. Regardless, yes, Tarantino sure loves his bloody shoot ’em ups. And in this particularly gruesome western, 8 deadly strangers find themselves stranded in a haberdashery in the middle of a blizzard. One of them (Kurt Russell) is taking a criminal (Jennifer Jason Leigh) to the gallows, and someone is trying to stop that happening. After a lot of scheming, finger-pointing, and cold-blooded murder, everybody dies, and we’re left with an empty haberdashery, and 8 bodies. So really, it all works out. It’s a great time!
2. Cabin In The Woods (2012)
Now this is a fun one. Drew Goddard’s send-up of the classic horror tropes. We find a 5 teenagers spending their weekend in a dark, leaky cabin, isolated from society, and miles from anyone that could help. What could go wrong? The usual, of course. A family of cannibalistic cultists rise from their graves to slaughter our walking stereotypes. Only problem is, these teens HAVE to die. There’s an entire organization running this little massacre in order to appease an extremely powerful force lying dormant beneath the earth. If they don’t, everybody dies. It sure would be a shame if someone were to mess up this necessary little ritual, and I don’t know, RAISE THE ANCIENT ONES INTO A HORRIFIC AWAKENING OF MADNESS AND DEATH.
3. Sunshine (2007)
The third act makes or breaks any decent philosophical sci-fi film. Now, if you ask most moviegoers, the third act of Sunshine was a divisive one. This sci-fi drama involves a team of scientists on a ship, pushing a giant bomb toward the sun in order to reignite the dying star. It’s a simple setup, but the terrific cast, tight direction by Danny Boyle, and amazing visuals raise it to new heights. The third act does devolve into a bit of a slasher-fest, but honestly, it remains thematically faithful. Unfortunately, this story of hope and survival is a bit of a one-way ticket. Everybody dies as our crew mates meet their end in various ways, including literally being enveloped in the fires of the sun. It’s truly a film every sci-fi fan needs to see.
4. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
The granddaddy of them all, George Romero’s zombie classic remains the inspiration for an entire genre of horror for decades to come. And while many of the films these days find a group of hardened survivors, fighting tooth and nail to save their loved ones, Night Of The Living Dead finds a group of strangers locked in a house, as the undead lay siege to their tiny sanctuary. All they have to do is make it til morning. Easier said then done, as one by one, our ragtag group falls to the zombies. Only Ben (Duane Jones) manages to survive the night. And when he looks out the window to see the cavalry approaching– BANG! Hell of a way to say ‘hello.’ This is a theme that would be revisited time and time again in movies and shows to come: When the dead walk the Earth, the living are still the greatest threat.
5. 28 Weeks Later (2007)
28 Days Later was one of the most effective, well made reinventions of the classic zombie tale of the modern age. Its sequel didn’t quite live up to the quiet, introverted horror of its predecessor, but still managed some terrific action and terror. Including one of the best opening sequences of any horror film in history. And while the Rage Virus ravages the city once more, two children are forced to run from not only the infected, but the military as well. And even their own father (Robert Carlyle), who is seemingly infected with a new, advanced strain. What follows is a hard-fought journey to an extraction point. What follows that is a pretty bleak ending, with no kids, no military, and no escape, except for the infected. . .
6. Beneath The Planet of The Apes (1970)
Everyone knows the ending to the original Planet Of The Apes. Even youngins who haven’t seen it know the imagery. The sandy beach, the head of Lady Liberty. “You blew it up! Damn you!” It’s a classic. What fewer people will agree on is the quality of the followups. But honestly, the original series had some really solid sequels. All different in their own way, and all raising some really cool questions. The first sequel, Beneath, follows another astronaut (James Franciscus) lands, searching for Taylor (Charlton Heston). Along the way, we discover an entire community of surviving humans living underground. They’ve changed a bit in the last few thousand years, and are in possession of the last active doomsday bomb, the Alpha-Omega. You can guess where this is going. Everybody dies. Damn them all to Hell!
7. Dawn Of The Dead (2004)
Check off another zombie film; we’re going for a full set. Zack Snyder’s remake of Romero’s other zombie classic actually brings a lot to the table. A great cast, solid gore, and a pretty badass climax involving some heavily armoured buses and chainsaws. When our few survivors finally escape the undead to Lake Michigan. They set sail for an uninhabited island. Only to find it not so uninhabited. The film ends rather abruptly, and yes, you could argue that they might have survived. But this is an Of The Dead movie by Zack Snyder. Everybody dies.
8. The Thing (1982)
Now this is a personal favourite of mine. As a lifelong John Carpenter fan, and a Kurt Russell enthusiast, This Guy has a deep love for The Thing. It’s simultaneously his favourite horror film and sci-fi film all in one. This claustrophobic tale of paranoia and fear takes place at a small research outpost in Antarctica. The eleven men living there find themselves infiltrated by an alien lifeform. The rub? This creature hides within the form of other living things. It takes you, absorbs you, and becomes you. Hiding in plain sight. It can be anyone. Solution? Burn everything. And when the dust has settled, we’re left with two survivors. But are either of them who they say they are? Better just wait here a while. “See what happens.”
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