This Guy’s starting to worry about Netflix. The streaming giant that’s become synonymous with great original programming has been buying up more and more film properties, and, unlike their series selection, these flicks just aren’t earning their “hidden gem” status. Hell, This Guy’s seriously questioning the validity of their 96% match rating. We’re on to you Netflix. The latest cinematic McMovie gobbled up by the Flix is The Titan, a sci-fi drama set in the near future concerning our desperate attempts to escape a dying planet through human enhancement and mad science. So basically, we’re right on track.

“It is a new species.”

The Titan introduces us to Lt. Rick Janssen (Sam Worthington), newly recruited into NATO’s secret Titan program. The project’s intention is to allow humanity to survive by finding a new home on Titan, Saturn’s largest moon. To accomplish this, Rick and his fellow soldiers will be subjected to experiments and chemical cocktails designed to force evolution on the genetic level, making them durable enough to survive Titan’s harsh atmosphere. The experiments affect all the candidates differently, and Rick realizes he may be putting his family in danger if he allows the transformation to continue.

Right from the start, the movie draws some pretty unfortunate comparisons. We’ve seen mankind’s desperate reach for the stars quite recently with the infinitely superior Interstellar. We’ve seen soldiers turned into super-men everywhere from superhero flicks, to video games. Now, total originality isn’t a prerequisite for good sci-fi, but if you’re going to forgo it, you better do it well. The Titan does not. The story plods along, hollow and unenthused, with no real drama or engagement to speak of. It’s an odd feeling when you are still waiting for the story to get going, and soon realize that it’s actually almost over. We spend so much time watching the recruits prepare for their new treatment, and having some basic family time, and by the time anything happens, there’s less than 25 minutes left. Now, there’s nothing wrong with a slow burn, so long as the journey is enjoyable, and it’s actually leading to something. The worst transgression a sci-fi flick can be guilty of, is being boring.

The cast, including the usually terrific Tom Wilkinson, phone it in the entire time. Sam Worthington gives the same performance he gave in Avatar and Clash of The Titans, and basically every other flick he’s done since coming to Hollywood. The only difference here is someone seems to have slipped him a few extra Valium’s on set, as he basically seems to be sleepwalking through each scene, right up to the lackluster climax. Taylor Schilling stars as Worthington’s doctor wife, who spends the majority of the film in a bathing suit slip. The Titan seems to be constantly forgetting who the actual focus of the story is supposed to be, and Worthington and Schilling seem to just sort of drift in and out of scenes, without any indication of how any of the events are affecting them as they unfold. This continues for about 80% of the film’s (thankfully) short runtime, until suddenly the movie remembers it’s a sci-fi flick, takes a sharp turn, and makes you go “Oh! We’re going this way now? Okay, I guess.” Too little too late, unfortunately.

“I will not let you turn my husband into an animal!”

Overall, The Titan is definitely a strange purchase for Netflix. The quality just isn’t there, and it surely would’ve bombed with any kind of wide release. I suppose it is right at home on a streaming service, where it can be thrown on during a late dinner, where no one is particularly paying attention. It’s a little Species, a little Splice, and manages to fall short of both, while not even bothering to offer anything new. Honestly, your Netflix time can be better spent rewatching an old favourite, or really just staring at your queue, than wasting time on something you’ll forget as soon as it’s over.

This Guy Scores It: 3.5/10