An appropriate animal companion can humanize the most cardboard cutout of action heroes. John Wick, case closed. That said, all too often the furry companion takes a backseat to his two-legged master, when truth be told, sometimes they do a lot of the heavy lifting themselves. So, to do his part in righting this grave cinematic injustice, This Guy is counting down the Top 5 Badass Movie Pets that Hollywood just can’t keep down.

 

5. Ben (Willard)

Willard is a quiet man. He lives at home, his social life is stagnant. Everyone pushes him around. But that all changes when he meets Ben. See this big fat, dirty stinking rat up there? That’s Ben. And Ben is a lot smarter than your average rat. Meaner too. Ben brings his friends, and Willard finds himself commanding an elite army of angry rats, hungry for blood. When you work a dead end job as part of your dead end life, having a friend like Ben can be very empowering.

This Guy’s not the biggest fan of rats, but honestly, who doesn’t want a friend like Ben? He’s loyal. He’s supportive. He’ll devour your shitty boss on a whim. He also inspired one of Michael Jackson’s early greats. As far as movie pets go, he’s not exactly a “heroic” companion, but he has his moments.

4. Amy (Congo)

First off, gorillas are terrifying. They are giant, powerful, marauding, godless killing machines, and This Guy’s got no time for their rampaging ways. Now, most of what he learned of gorillas came from Mighty Joe Young, but that’s entirely beside the point.

Amy, on the other hand, is a treasure. She’s playful, loving, she has a sign-to-speech recorder, and enjoys a good cigar. And when push comes to shove, she goes toe to toe with a pack of man-eating albino apes who live in a volcanic temple of diamonds. She jumps into action with no regard for herself, and scares off the vicious attackers with her bad grammar and uncanny valley movements. “Ugly. Gorillas. Ugly. Go away.” Truer words never spoken by a simian’s wireless voice-box.

3. Nanook (The Lost Boys)

When people say dog is “man’s best friend,” it’s not just bullshit. You’ll find these four-legged bastards feature twice on this list, and for good reason. They defend their masters against all foes, even goddamn shit-sucking vampires. Nanook holds a special place in This Guy’s heart for his role in quelling the vampire menace of Santa Carla. When big bro Michael begins to turn and lust for little bro Sammy’s blood, Nanook shuts that shit down immediately.

Later, while Michael and Sam are stuck dealing with Kiefer Sutherland’s mullet, Nanook trashes the one who looks like Twisted Sister. Totally annihilated his night-stalking ass! Well, the Frog Brothers helped. A little.

2. Blood (A Boy & His Dog)

Now, this isn’t your typical buddy flick. Vic and Blood aren’t heroic. They’re humanity is as long gone as the raiders and murderers they dodge on a daily basis. But dammit, they’re entertaining. Vic (a young Don Johnson) is a solo making his way through post-apocalyptic Phoenix. He wants good. He wants ammo. And he wants to get laid. Blood, is his best friend and traveling companion, an aging sheepdog, genetically engineered to communicate telepathically. It’s a symbiotic relationship. Blood can psychically detect dangers a mile away, and is more well read than most history professors, but can no longer hunt for himself. Vic is good with a gun, but has no education or drive to better himself. Together, they roam the desert in search of “Over the Hill,” a mythical promised land.

Blood proves his worth time and again, keeping Vic out of danger, teaching him history and grammar, and occasionally strategizing siege defenses. Not many movie pets have to teach their masters battle tactics. If This Guy could just have one psychic sheepdog companion in his life, it’d be Blood. No contest. “War is hell,” as Blood tells Vic. But he’s always willing to charge once more into the breach for his dear friend.

1. Gizmo (Gremlins 1 & 2)

Look at that goddamn face. Gizmo is just tops. Can’t really argue. He’s furry, he’s smart, he sings that sweet little song. He fits into most purses and backpacks. Now, he does also spawn a horde of vicious swarming monsters. But look at his little fingers!

Now, when the Gremlins run amok, Giz manages to not only be sickeningly adorable, but he also takes out the main baddie in a climactic showdown in the Home & Garden department. When the Gremlins run amok again, he goes full Rambo. “To win a war, you gotta become war.” The headband, the homemade bow and arrow, the whole nine yards. He kills a giant spider monster with a flaming arrow. He’s amazing.

Not convinced? Look at this! Look at this little bastard dance!