Let’s start with a quick disclaimer. This Guy’s not about to get into a semantic argument about what is and isn’t a zombie. If they staggers like zombies, moans like zombies, and bite like zombies, they’re zombies. If you can deal with that, you should get through this list just fine.

While not as wussified these last few years as the noble vampire, zombies have been a tad over-saturated as of late. Thriving on TV with the likes of The Walking Dead, and to a lesser extent, Z Nation, zombie films have taken a bit of a dive these past few years (Netflix is full of straight-to-video nonsense filmed in people’s backyards). But the modern gift George Romero gave us deserves better than that. Anyone can make a zombie flick, but when you can put a cool spin on the walkers themselves, that’s worth seeing. Now, as we shamble ever closer to Halloween, This Guy’s got another Top 5 Movie Monsters list for you. Today we’re counting down the BEST Zombies in film! This was a hard list to cut down, so we begin with TWO hordes that almost made the cut. . .

 

Honourable Mention: The Infected (World War Z)

Now, This Guy is NOT condoning World War Z. Hollywood took a decent, original take on the undead from the novel, and basically made 2012 with zombies. Putting that aside, the actual zombies themselves are fucking amazing. They show up without warning, or fanfare, and sweep through the streets of New York like a tidal wave. They are fast, unbreakable, and when they want at something, they will claw, chew, and pile over each other to get to it. Watching them scramble over the wall in Israel is heart-pounding. Bitten you turn in less than 11 seconds and proceed to devour those around you. The virulent beasts in this flick are also genetically programmed to avoid the sick and dying, keeping their hordes strong and agile. They are a truly scary force.

 

Honourable Mention: The Hungries (The Girl With All The Gifts)

The Hungries are a very different breed of zombie. Born of a mutated strain of fungi, these creatures are vicious, persistent, and desperate to not just devour flesh, but seemingly spread worldwide and become the new dominant species. To that end, the fungi evolves to bond more covertly with a new generation of hosts. These children look human, sound human, and are  just as thoughtful and self-aware.. But they smell a drop of blood, and their true nature comes out as they regress into bloodthirsty beasts. It’s a dangerous game when the virus knows how to outsmart you.

 

5. The Conversationalists (Pontypool)

Pontypool is the entry from the Great White North. Canadian cinema is an absolute wellspring for instant classic horrors. Pontypool is a tiny little town in Ontario. Not much going on, outside of the shitty blizzard outside. That is until the population falls victim to a deadly mimetic virus spread through  the English language itself. Now a virus spread through words might sound more like hypnosis than undead fuckery, but the infected “conversationalists” have all the telltale signs. They shamble around. They spout nonsense in between grunts. And they gather into large groups, chasing after healthy humans until grabbing them, pinning them down, and attempting to chew their way through their faces. But, they don’t need to bite you to infect you. One conversation with your “honey” can ping your brain the wrong way and turn you before you know it. It’s an incredibly clever take on the genre, and is well worth a watch during the spooky season.

 

4. Nazi Zombies (Dead Snow 1 & 2)

Dead Snow is from the other Great White North, Norway. This Nazi zombie romp rose up around the start of the craze made popular by the Call Of Duty series. It’s possible there’s no relation, but who knows? These undead fascists terrorized a small mountain town while they were alive, and now in death they’re slaughtering college students at an isolated cabin after having their cursed Nazi gold thoughtlessly stolen.. Classic! In the sequel, Red vs Dead, the Nazi Zombies face off against a legion of undead Soviets in a battle royal for the ages. These fiends are smart, organized, well-armed, and have some sick uniforms. Say what you will about Nazi Germany; they turned heads.

 

3. The Possessed (REC 1 & 2)

During an overnight firehouse filming session for the local news, Angela accompanies the firemen to an apartment in the midst of a medical crisis. Once there, they’re soon trapped inside by the military. Something is inside that they don’t want to get out. one by one the residents are infected and turned into crazed killers hungering for flesh. But the real terror is upstairs. Locked away in a pitch black room, is the source of the disease. A poor young girl, ravaged by the dark specimen inside her: the biological source of demonic possession! These zombies are literally evil incarnate.

 

2. The Enraged (28 Days/Weeks Later)

The other undead ghoulies on this list have simple motivations. Hunger, survival, Nazi gold; the usual. The infected in Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later are driven by one all encompassing emotion: Rage. These infected are pure hate, running full tilt to take their aggression out on anyone an everyone they see. One drop of blood in your system is all it takes, and you’re a twitching, screaming, rage machine. And that’s extra handy, because the Enraged seem to spew blood all over you whenever given the chance. A hate-fueled desire to spread their misery? Perhaps biological Darwinism on the part of the virus? Don’t know. Don’t care. The entire population of England hates you and wants to turn you into a bloody mess. Run.

 

1. The Deadites (Evil Dead/Army Of Darkness)

You gotta love the classics. Evil Dead, Sam Raimi’s cult film launched his career (and eventually an amazing musical). This trilogy tale of a cabin in the woods, restless forest spirits, and a book of the dead, holds up incredibly well with its mix of over the top gore and slapstick humour. Bruce Campbell makes the films what they are, but just as deserving of praise are the ridiculously funny AND terrifying Deadites, the poor souls possessed by the evil brought forth by the Necronomicon. These “zombies” (yes, we’re using the word loosely) take all forms, deranged loved ones, animated skeletons, sexy trees, miniature pranksters; and every one of them will “swallow your soul!” It never gets old!